Press &
Clap Trap

“Not familiar with that band.”

— Rolling Stone

“That’s good, dear.”

— Mom

“I’m sorry, I said I wasn’t familiar with the band.”

— Rolling Stone

“Thank you for your submission, sir. At this time we’re not... etc., etc.”

— Various agencies, festivals, comic cons and children’s parties

“Listen, you pesky, little, no-talent hack! Nobody’s heard of you... stop bothering me!”

— Rolling Stone

“We can pay you in wings.”

— Bud’s Buzzard Cafe, Spuzzum, BC

“I’d rather not say.”

— Marcel Marceau

“Please cease & desist further harassment toward my client or face legal action.”

— Attorney representing Rolling Stone

“Melodic surgery with old timey precision.”

— American Physicians Supporting the Advocacy of Obsolete Medical Equipment

“You should be in the radio box.”

— Mom

“I’m sorry but your request to be featured on the cover of the next edition of GQ has been denied.”

— GQ Magazine

“I swear to god if this thing is a success, you will be fleeced within an inch of your life.”

— Estate of an ex-wife

“See them! Speak to them! Poke them to see if they’re real!”

— Paid advertisement

“They’re the actual reason I decided to cross the road.”

— A chicken

“Congratulations! You’ve been accepted to be featured on the cover of the next edition of Old & Busted Magazine.”

— Old & Busted Magazine